Richmond Women Leaders Association Chapter Meeting: Mindful Leadership

Well, now we move to our next presentation. So, Lynn, can you say hello and give us a self introduction? Yeah. Hi everybody. I'm Lynn Anderson. I'm the chief of social work services with the Central Virginia VA Healthc Care System. Um uh that's here on Beloulevard. I'm a Air Force veteran. Um and I am a licensed clinical social worker. Um I think one thing that I that I want to do is first is say thank you for for having me um giving me this opportunity and I want to acknowledge all the powerful things that uh that previous speakers have said. I think it lends well into what I'm going to talk about today. So, let me bring my slides up. And there's my slideshow. I have a new computer. So, while it's waiting, while while I'm finding this because I can't believe I don't know what I'm doing here. Okay. Oh, I swear the slideshow button moves. It actually really moves. I swear it does. You got it. Thank you so much. Thank you. So, so I want one of the things that that when I was asked to talk, I was like, what am I going to talk about? You know, they you know, you all provided some wonderful examples and then some things happened in my life. Um that that brought some some uh you know concerns and and some stress into my life. And what I what was happening was um I was seeing things in my staff and in um other women that I saw like in in high school, you know, the teen bully, the the gossiping, the things like that. And um and I realized how how dark and how hard it can be, you know, in a in a profession. and and then to have people that that you want to embrace and bring into your fold to um you know sabotage and to um do do things that are hurtful. And so I wanted to talk about the dark side of working with women. And and it's not that women are bad, you know, we're not. It's it's that sometimes things happen in our life and it triggers us or it causes a reaction in us and we do things that that maybe are not as appropriate or as professional as we would like to. You know, how many of you can remember um being in high school or or college and you know there were the bullies, there were the girls that picked on you, there were the clicks, you know, maybe you were mean girl. Uh, you know, one of the things that I have to own is that I could be a mean girl. Um, but what I can also own is that every time I go into a place where I'm mean or or I'm not acting in the integrity that I need to need to be working in, I learn something about myself. I learn how to grow. I learn how to to expand and I learn how to um be a better person and a better leader. Um so one of the things that that I did was uh when I was in the military a gentleman uh gave me a book to read. It was called King Warrior Magician and Lover. It was by Robert Bllye and it talked about archetypes and the importance of that boys have to go through different rights of passages. And I was like what girls what about women? What are our archetypes? What are our what are our our um rights of passage? What do we face? and how does it impact us, you know? So I did some research and I found a book uh by Shosi which is uh um discovering your woman within and uh working with her and several of the women um and the research we did we found that women have seven archetypes actually more and it's actually the goddesses that we carry within ourselves you know we have the mother the you know the queen the lover the maiden you know the wild woman or huntress wise woman and the mystic and sage And if you think about women, girls and women as they mature and as they get they go through these stages, um there is powerful powerful energy and gifts that these women um you know share and and exhibit. And a lot of times powerful women are in a place where they are um in their or their authentic self. They have identified um things that happen in their life and instead of taking them and and letting them drag them down, they have found ways to address them and and be courageous and brave and start walking through the path of self-discovery. You know, uh when I think about me, uh you know, I spent 10 years in the military. I, you know, I was in a career field that was primarily men. Um, I learned how to lead by the military standard. Um, I grew up in a in a neighborhood where I was the only girl for 10 block radius. I had four brothers. Um, everything I did was male-based and and it was difficult to shift into um, how do I find that gentler side of myself? What I also learned is as I as I started addressing and seeing and and doing my research and self-discovery um and looking at the different archetypes, I learned that there are also the shadow part of us. We all have gold. We all bring gifts to this world. We are you know 99.9% of the people in this world want to do with some something good. They want to help people. They want to help others. They want to help youth. they want to they want to do something that is going to change um and make the world a safer place. At the same time, we have a dark side that we need to look at. We need to look at our shadows. So when you think about a mother and you think about the the the nurturing that they give um the strength that they have um how they can you know if somebody was to go after their children or their family this you know this this energy rises from her and you know she's going to set a boundary. She's going to protect her children. At the same time, if she hasn't if she's been wounded and she hasn't looked at things that trigger her, um, she may become more of a shadow. She may start operating on a shadow. Um, and I'll give you an example of that in my life. Um, I've recently, like I said, I've had a situation happen where been faced again with um, dealing with with uh, mean girls. And I go into place of fear. I go into a place of uncertainty. Um, and when I get into that place for me, what comes out is the the huntress. I become this person who is aggressive. I I lose my empathy that I have for my staff or for other people. And I can I can say things or do things that that um can be inappropriate or could could hurt somebody, not physically, but emotionally. And so what I do and one of the things that I' that I've learned and the the previous speakers talked about this the importance of networking and connecting is what's getting me through this hard time is I when I became the chief of the service I met up with other female women chiefs of their services doctors professionals um brilliant powerful women um and weworked and we created um connection and I was able to go to them and say, "Hey, this is what's going on. Here's the rabbit hole I've gone down. I am in fear. I'm afraid I'm going to lose everything and I have to now hold on to everything and and I and I just want to push everybody away." And these women were able to support me and bring me back to a place of um um authenticity. Um, you know, one of the questions that that was asked to me by by their mentors is is, you know, then when you're going to do this talk, why is it that that women do this? Are we so injured that we want to hurt other people because it makes us feel good? Um, do we carry our wounds with us and when we're wounded, we wound back? Um, are we fragile in our self-esteem? And if that if you answer yes to those questions, it's not bad. It's it's it's actually really good that you're able to identify that, acknowledge it and own it, and then make the choice to do something different to how are you going to address it? How are you going to get the support that you need? And doing so in a in a safe environment, finding those mentors, finding those people that are going to support you. You know, it's about blazing your trail. It's about what are you going to do? I was I was told a long time ago that life isn't fair, life is hard, and and that whatever happens to me, um, positive or negative, my response to it is my responsibility. And my goal in my life is that when I run up against something that is difficult, that I don't go back to that shadow side. That I don't go back to that place of of um of fear and reactivity. That I acknowledge it and I embrace it. it's who I am. But then I step forward and I find that that place of of confidence and and competence and and support you know and the way I do that is is by sharing my truth sharing my vulnerability you know it's going into a place of of unwavering dedication to myself to forging my path um you know and finding other res resilient women who can who can support me in this The the nice thing about this group of women that that developed at the VA is I can go to them for anything. I would lay I would lay my life on the line for them and they would have my back and they would also call me out. They would also tell me when when maybe I need to change something, maybe I need to look at something. Um, you know, the other thing that happens as you're blazing your trail and you start moving from the wounds of your past or the or the frustrations that's going on and you step into your power and you step into your your your place of bravery, you know, you're going to create opportunities for yourself, you're not going to react to what other people are doing. you're going to act in in what's uh in in an in in uh in an in in sorry um in in with integrity and with in with accountability, you know, and I I have an opportunity to mentor a lot of um uh women in the in the social work profession and um we talk all the time about where do you want to go? What is your goal a year from now, three years from now, five years from now, 10 years from now? What is it? What is it that you want to do and what do you want to become and what do you want to create? For me, one of the I just had a a person that a mentor come to me and I was like I was like, what do you want your legacy to be? you know, I want my legacy to be um holding myself to the level that I would expect myself to to behave and and to act, but to do so in in an in a compassionate, courageous, um brave manner, um and the more that I'm able to acknowledge and go go and look at myself and say, I didn't feel good about the way I responded or I didn't feel good about whatever happened, happened. And if I'm willing to go in and look at that and have the support of other women to address those things, I just become a better woman. I become a stronger woman. I become a empowered leader. Um, and so when in the situation I'm in right now, um, and I'm dealing with the mean girls, um, I don't have to drop to their level. I don't have to explain myself to them. um I don't have to go down the rabbit hole of fear. Instead, I can reach out to these women um and get their support and and have them um share with me and and and encourage me and hold me in a place of um nurturing support. And that is a warm and a wonderful place to be. So, how do you blaze your trail? You know, you find your mentors. Each of these women that spoke before me talked about the importance of the networking and finding people in your life and and and ways that you can meditate and take care of yourself. You know, the other thing that you got to do is is you got to know your worth. You know, people can't define who you are. We have to define ourselves. And when we choose to hear the negativity and take that on, we're just reounding oursel. you know, maybe there was a time as a as a young teenager that that, you know, girls were mean to me and I was I was excluded and they gossiped about me and I learned to react by numbing it out or by being mean to somebody else. Um, having these mentors and bla blazing a trail is going to shift that energy. It's going to give you an opportunity to move into a compassionate, empathetic life where you are grounded and you're confident and you're able to walk through whatever um issue crops up for you. Um one of the things I tell uh people that I mentor is if you find yourself taking other people's inventory, if you find yourself um you know talking badly about somebody, stop. Look at yourself because look at yourself in the mirror because what it is is they've triggered something in you that you need to look at and you need to work on and that's part of life. You ha you know for me I have to continue to work forward and change and grow. I don't want to be just the same person my you know I want to have courage. I want to have compassion. I want to be and feel empowered, you know. Um the other thing that I talk about is um you know, when you make a mistake, own it. You know, own it. Go to the people that you made the mistake with and say, "Hey, I I just realized that what I said was was wrong. I've got some new data or I didn't hear you say um um a different way to do this and and I neglected to take your thoughts or your beliefs into my um into my uh my decisions. Um so, you know, I really find the first way to start with this is just to find one person in your office that you can be authentic with and then grow it from there. become your own champion. You know, there's there people are not going to um do the interviews for you. They're not going to um um necessarily uh help you along your career. There will be there will be women that do that will introduce you to connections that will support you, that will mentor you, but you can't expect everybody to do that. You have to come out of your shell. You have to come into this place of of ownership and you have to support yourself. You have to believe that you can do something different, that you can be successful, that you can live your dream. Um, you know, I used to when I first started in in this field, I used to apologize all the time. And I just don't do that anymore unless I'm done something wrong. And then I don't apologize. I change my behavior and I take ownership of it. Um, and I don't let people shut me down. It is so important to be in your energy and to move forward and say, "I'm going to do this. I'm going to complete this." And start building your successes success successes. Um, you know, sometimes you're going to fall down. Be resilient. And the biggest thing I'd say is is your resiliency is your superpower. You know, and if you embrace it and nurture it, you will soar. Um, with that said, one of the biggest things that I think is important is finding those mentors. Um, you know, finding who can help you. Um, people that you look up to or would like to do some things similar to them or or have the energy that they have. Um, because in order to help with the gender gap, the leadership gender gap is we have to be able to develop strategies with each other to support each other. Um, we need to learn how to emulate each other and and grow in in community and grow in in power um and structure and helping each other reach our full full potentials. Um, one of the things I've done is is I'm a co-founder of a of a nonprofit called Girls to Women, and we mentor young girls. And our goal is to have them learn how to mentor each other to have peer support. And and they're doing that. We're watching young ladies that said, "I'm not going to go anywhere in the world. I'm just going to be a lost cause." That are now in college and successfully graduating. women, young girls that are, you know, want to volunteer and do things and get out of themselves um and become really our future leaders. And if we want to shatter the the leadership gap that there's there, we have to do it with each other. We have to do it with the support of each other, you know. So for me, this quote, I love this quote because it it's it's true is that if we improve women in leadership roles and how we do things and how we become masters at at our craft, um we will become strong and we'll have a very powerful voice. Um so I think what I what I leave you with is um be true to you. Know yourself. Know your self-worth. Do not compromise yourself. Do not compromise your integrity in who you are. Embrace who you are. Every aspect of who you are, the the the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. Um, doing so is going to model to other women how to do that. And then it'll eventually get down to young girls to know that they can embrace who they are and all parts of themselves in a powerful manner to make the world a safer place. And that's what I that's my that's my uh what I have. And and I you know I don't know if there's any questions. Oh, Len, thank you so much. Yes, we um thank you so much for that wonderful presentation. Very well spoken. So, I'll go to this one question from Alexandra before we get to our panel discussion. And Alexandra says, "How do you know how much you should share with co-workers, especially if you're facing challenges at home?" Yeah. So what I do is um I you know I'm building trust while I'm working with with with my peers or with staff and through their own actions um or not or not responding to things I learn which one who I can trust and who I feel safe with. Um, but I also know that this is a workplace. So, I tend to keep my personal um concerns um at a very generic level and um because I don't want somebody to make the mistake and share something that I didn't want shared in the workplace. So, I have boundaries around that and it's it's a very clear boundary that you know I can be real with you. I can be authentic with you but I don't have to tell you everything. I don't have to share everything with you but I can seek your support. That's great. Thank you so much. Well, please read all the comments that you that have come in through the chat. Lots of wonderful convers wonderful comments about your presentation. So, as we move to the panel discussion for the afternoon, do you have any final thoughts or words of wisdom for our viewers today? I think the final thing that I would say is be true to you and be not just a leader but be a mentor for those that need that support. Well, thank you so much for your time today. Thank you.