What a decade of "lean in" got wrong, and what actually moves women up
Fifty-four percent of women negotiated their latest job offer. Forty-four percent of men did. Even so, the women came away earning less. Researchers Kray, Kennedy and Lee at Berkeley Haas published this result in 2023, and Fortune reported on it, which is notable because it overturns a decade of advice about careers in a single blow.
For years, the "lean in" movement relied on one tidy story to explain the gap. That story held that women lag behind on pay and promotions simply because they hesitate to make requests. Repair the asking through confidence coaching, negotiation seminars and a firm reminder to value yourself, and the gap should shrink. For employers, this framing was easy to live with, since every fix it offered fell to the woman herself. The Berkeley numbers cut against that story. In reality, women make requests more frequently than men do, yet the rewards they receive remain lower.
Where that number comes from
Laura Kray, working with Jessica Kennedy and Margaret Lee at the Haas School of Business in Berkeley, examined how job candidates bargained over recent offers. The finding that stunned the Richmond team was that women were the group negotiating at the higher rate. The lesson here is that women were paid less no matter how hard they bargained. A single study cannot resolve every open question about the gap. It does not show that women negotiate more skillfully, and it does not untangle every factor behind the difference. Even so, it removes the most convenient explanation from the table. A pay difference cannot reasonably be blamed on a behavior that women already display at higher rates.
Research from other sources has reached a similar conclusion. Experiments measuring the likability penalty have shown again and again that the very same request is read as confident when a man makes it and as pushy when a woman does. Considered as a whole, the findings indicate that women are not failing to advocate for themselves. Women do speak up, and the workplace then punishes them for doing so.
Signs to watch for
Think about reaching the offer stage for a role you want, perhaps at one of the Richmond-area employers that draw talent from across Central Virginia. You have reviewed three postings with published ranges, you know the midpoint, and you calmly ask for it with reasons attached. A recruiter in Richmond might say she will "see what she can do" and come back with an offer two thousand dollars higher, framed as a real reach. A colleague interviewing for the same job asks for the top of the range and lands near it, described as competitive. You both negotiated, yet the results diverged. Nothing you said on that call would have changed the outcome, because the decision about what your request was worth had already been made before you spoke.
How this applies to you
If someone has ever told you that you need more confidence, pay attention to what that advice accomplishes. That framing places the shortfall within the candidate herself, where correcting it requires nothing from the company. In a 2021 Harvard Business Review piece, Tulshyan and Burey argued along parallel lines about imposter syndrome, observing that the term pins a structural problem on the individual. Calling it a confidence gap performs that same maneuver with different vocabulary. You do not need repair. The room's pay practices need scrutiny.
Action steps
Ask about the pay band, not your personal worth. "What is the posted range for this level, and where does this offer fall within it?" Published ranges are now required in a growing number of states, so the question has a factual answer. Then ask the one question that cannot easily be read as a judgment about your personality: "What would it take to reach the midpoint?" You are negotiating with the numbers, and the numbers do not come across as demanding.
Local help is available if you want to prepare. Groups such as NAWBO Richmond, the Metropolitan Richmond Women's Bar Association and the Women's Business Center of Central Virginia at Virginia Union University offer networking, advising and training for women working through these conversations. Connecting with peers who have negotiated in this market can make the next offer easier to approach.
When was the last time you asked for more, and what did the asking cost you?